Posted: March 31, 2011 in getting personal

I have to wait till I’m 28 to get another subway stop with my age, and today is the last day I’ll ever be 23. Birthdays bring all sorts of nostalgia. I remember when I used to look forward to the day. Everything felt like a celebration that I didn’t have to worry about. My mom would make me a cake, a party would have been organized, I’d wake up in the morning excited and yellow, happy daffodils would be cut and arranged in a vase in my room, pink streamers and balloons hung in the kitchen. Now on the eve of my 24th, I have tried to bring back that sense of celebration except now, I’ll buy my own cake, organize my own “party,” invite friends who will be too busy/lazy to come.
I remember the first time I didn’t have candles to blow out. It was a big deal to me. I always looked forward to making my birthday wish. Now, I suppose it doesn’t matter all that much.

this highest obstacle, the thought of thoughts, she creates herself?

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