Posts Tagged ‘advice’

that’s not such a secret because I have admitted it in passing amongst countless conversations regarding my “romantic life” (or lack thereof) is that I am a member of OKCupid. Most people on the site are ashamed and keep it on the DL and would never dream of sharing their personal statistics as I am about to do.

What some people don’t know is that I’ve been on the site for about a year and a half, and during that time, I have been out on a date with 29 different guys. A handful lead to a second date but most usually fizzled out after that. The longest lasted a month, which equalled about 6 dates. Obviously, there has been no mutual “click” that magically happens when you know it’s “right.” I have been frustrated many a times–both claiming to have “retired from OKCupid” and to have stated that I found more interest and connection with the random people I meet on the platform waiting for the 1 train, the barista making my cappuccino, or the guy at Strand helping me find a copy of On The Road.
I’m not totally knocking the site. A couple of my good girlfriends have found their “perfect” match on their 1st or 2nd date, but most of mine are duds. The beginning of my online dating experience was rough. Who knew you had to learn how to online date? For those of you who may want to give OKCupid a shot or just want to hear from someone who wishes they could be a consoler of the lonely, here are some tips from the…errr…perhaps I shouldn’t say “master” because I definitely haven’t mastered the goal, but maybe I can just call it some sage advice:
1) Don’t talk too much beforehand. It will become purely an online/text/IM relationship. You will learn too much about each other and then either a) never see each other or b) not hit it off and then know/have shared too much
2) If you aren’t interested in someone romantically, but you see him/her as being your friend, chances are that is not going to happen, so skip the phrase “let’s just be friends.” People are on there for one reason and it’s not for friendship. Newsflash! Cupid doesn’t shoot arrows to make friends.
3) It’s best to do something casual first…like go for coffee. No commitment. Dinner and drinks gets pricey, and while a usually free meal for the female is always nice, at least for me, a free meal makes me feel like I owe them something. In my experience, most of the guys expect something in return, too, so stick to coffee. It’s $4 or less.
4) If you went on your first date in the evening and you both want to meet up again, meet in the daytime. People look different in the light.
5) Even if you think it’s going well, don’t get your hopes up. You have no idea what the other person is really thinking.
6) Narrow down your choices before you meet in person. I got a lot of messages, but if I went out with all of them, it would have been 100s of dates. Look at their photos. They can definitely be deceiving. I’ve met people in person, and they have looked totally different. You never really know who you are talking to until you meet them, hence tip #1
7) Will you have stuff to talk about? This is more key for online dating. I’ve gone out with math-y guys who are just centered around that, and it’s made for rather dull conversation because they can’t talk about ANYTHING else. I guess it all depends on how charming/intellectual/interesting the other person is, though.
8 ) Realize that you’re going to feel weird because you’re both meeting for one reason.

Go ahead and laugh!
On my date with the third guy out of twenty-nine, the waitress identified us as sister and brother. No second date.

This OKCupid message is frealz
Feb 21, 2010

My name is ______ and it is a pleasure to meet you. Even though I am jewish I am a student at ___________ College.

I am a 20 year old college student who is honest and sincere. I am very shy and non talkative when we first would meet. It takes me time to get use to new people. I am open and honest. I am in shape, I am 6′ tall and weigh 135 pounds. I have high goals and plans for my life. I love kids and pets. Anything you want to know please ask. I am very straight laced. I do not smoke, drink or do drugs.

To show you that I am goal oriented and determined I will explain my goals. I have given this a lot of thought. I can see myself getting married in a year or two. I can do these things on my own, I just need someone to join me. I live in New City NY and even though I am jewish, I go to ________ College in _____ NY, both in ______ County, about 10-20 miles north of New York City. Dorm life was not for me so I live at home by choice. However, when we needed someplace to live, if I was still in college, or before we were ready to buy a house, I would want to live in Piermont NY (about 10 miles north of the city and a bus to the city at the door). I would want to live there for three reasons. One it is a short walk to my college, second my family owns the building so we would not have any rent to pay, and third, it is a great place to live. I can see myself getting married in a year or two but I am in no rush to do so. By the time we had our first kid I would want to be in a house of our own. Even though I am in college I am supported by very well to do parents. Within the next tens years I want to be married with a few kids in a house of our own.

I hope to hear from you.


This OKCupid message is frealz
My name is Payam; I found you by searching the word “bass”. πŸ™‚ Not that it was the first keyword that I searched for, but I kind of have a feeling that it takes a special personality to be a bass player. (and to be a musician in general, but also there is something in particular about being a bass player. It’s hard to explain, but I just have this feeling that one can’t be too much of a “show off” person on one hand and a bass player on the other hand simultaneously… As a bass player you know that the ensemble would sound like crap without you, but still you kind of live with the fact that a majority of people will be looking at the violins and the singers and will clap for them!… I don’t know! I hope I am not saying too much nonsense about being a bass player to a bass player!)

I am a musician too. Well not professional, but I am pretty good at it, because I grew up with it, like you did… I am a physics PhD student which might sounds a bit irrelevant, but I don’t know… I love both music and physics!

It is nice meeting you. Will be happy to hear back from you. πŸ™‚

Yep. This is frealz, too. No joke..har har har.

(Insert witty subject here)
May 31, 2010 – 9:54pm
Im new to all this stuff so I asked around and people told me that asking for nudes is the most common thing guys say to girls on the internet, but after I was forced to register in my neighborhood I don’t think they gave me good advice haha

In all seriousness tho you seem like a pretty unique and open individual which is great, I was expecting the site to be filled with freaks and women with 12 kids (I love the Maury show as much as the next guy but im not interested in meeting any reoccurring guests).

Im 22 and I just graduated with a degree in Public Relations/Marketing from SUNY Cortland (it’s upstate). I enjoyed my time upstate but im glad to be back in Queens full time.

I know I might seem like a creeper but that’s good, you have to be careful with people on the internet. I have a cautionary tale for you. I saw a story on the news about a 13 year old girl who met a guy online, he seemed nice, they liked the same bands, he made her feel good about herself, and they both hated homework (oh you kids and your hatred of homework, when will you learn it’s for your own benefit!)! She saw a picture of him, she thought he was cute! She sent him a picture of herself, he thought she was cute too! She decided to meet him at the local mall. Unfortunately, the young girl was never heard from again. While she was an innocent 13 year old, HE WAS A 1500 POUND KODIAK BEAR!!!! AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW BEARS COULD TYPE!!

So if you check out my profile you’ll find out some facts about me, but here are a few more (cheesy joke alert):

-A computer once beat me in Chess, but it was no match for me in Kickboxing

-My ex-girlfriend called me a pervert last week, i was shocked, because that’s a pretty big word for a 12 year old

-I used to be into S&M, Necrophilia and Beastiality, but then I realized there was no point in beating a dead horse

If my morbid sense of humor hasn’t made you run away yet, id love to hear back from you!

Your friend and most certainly not a Kodiak Bear,

PS: Sorry if this seems like an essay, I tend to be long winded. And no this is not a cut/paste message, consider it made just for you! Scout’s honor!

Yet another…

Hey πŸ™‚
May 26, 2010 – 1:20am
Hey i was searching through profiles and i was Captivated by yours, its very good. You seem like the kind of person i could get along with. And i hope im not being to forward when i ask if we could possibly be friends? i would like that very much. in any case i look forward to hearing from you.

thank you for your time…

Last but not least
July 8, 2010
hello gorgeous. wow you are a sight for sore eyes. I’d love to get to know you. let’s mingle!